Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The sounds seem to never end...crash, clank clank, swish, waaaaah, ahhhh, stop it! Oh My! Where in the world do you find peace among such confusion. Between the toddler making peanut butter and "hot pickle" (jalapeno) sandwiches, sneaking lollipops, and doing all she can to irritate big brother there is little peace to be found.

To be honest, I rather enjoy the chaos most days. But, I definitely have those times I long for a moment silence; just a moment to refocus myself and put my happy face back on.  My Mom always says go to bed early and get some rest, but I think my rest comes more from my moments. I'm gonna try to start doing some devotional time. That's where real rest comes from He says.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

One of THOSE Days

My day started with children crying & gold fish crackers all over the place on top of the numerous messes. By 10 I had already had to holler numerous times & spankings would have been soon following had I not been so upset. The middle baby cried until we left @ 1. By noon I had decided I wasn't gonna make it through the day &  I would likely have an aneurysm soon. (This was shortly after I flooded my kitchen while filling up a pail & tending to kids in another room. Not just a little flood - entire counter top, in the drawers, cabinets & floor, all the way into the dining room). I don't remember a morning quite so miserable in recent history.  Then the day got worse....

Gathered up clothes for a friend that lost her home to a fire. Dropped Orion of with his grandma and headed to a house warming party with the two little girls. After I got the baby down for a nap Danica had a hay day..with chips throwing them every where, then her juice throwing it everywhere. Stepping on Faith, throwing things, all while laughing at this new game she had come up with that she thought was so cute. Cut my finger while slicing a lime then gave up and decided I had a better chance of sanity at home. Loaded up girls, picked up Orion & Faith cried the entire way to drop clothes & half the way home. Got home put everyone down for a nap. Decided I needed a break so I went to vacuum the pool and got stung by a wasp.

Why did today seem like the end of the world? I know I've had worse days than this....maybe. 

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Right about now my husband is somewhere in the air around 2 hours from France. He only left this morning and I already miss him. Orion was just sobbing last night when he realized his Dad was gonna be gone for a while. He's already painted him a picture & wondered if he's been eaten by lions (I guess the word Africa brings dangerous animals to mind for even a 5 yr old). My poor little man.

Well, while hubby is enjoying the sights, sound and smells of an extremely overpopulated city with the lowest unemployment rate in the world I will be here enjoying my little ones and trying my best to keep busy and forget    he is gone. I don't say this often, but I hope this week goes fairly quickly. I hear Africa changes people and I really can't wait to see him and make sure he's still normal :)

Monday, August 15, 2011

There is something about spending some time on the river that soothes the soul, even with the kids humming Mario Brothers tunes & racing back and forth for who is in first place. Something about it has always calmed me. I know a lot of people think "yuck, the Colorado" but when I am in it or on it I see beauty all around me.It's a fluid environment, literally and figuratively speaking. It is constantly changing, banks being edged out into rock, roots being washed away, sand and rock trading places below.

Why would change be so comforting? I can only guess, because it is natural in this form. Nothing is pressed or forced, it is just a gradual change. Is that why we stay so distressed? Are we trying to force ourselves to quickly to take on new things or rid ourselves of old ones? Most say life is short, maybe that is why we feel we are in such a rush to accomplish so much. Well, bad news, the more you rush the shorter your life is. Rushing things makes time FLY by. Just try it. Rush yourself for a day and see how the time passes as opposed to just being active & not rushing.

When rivers RUSH, things change quickly - trees fall down, structures are removed & things are destroyed. But floods are a natural process as well. Maybe we need those quick bursts of destruction. Who knows, just my thoughts for the moment...

Sunday, August 14, 2011

NO NO Spanking

Church was wonderful today. It was on the scripture saying we were created in Christ Jesus for good works. So my Pastor broke it down to we were created for work (he wasn't speaking of salvation through works, just that we find our fulfillment in working). The meaning of life all wrapped up in one little phrase from one little book; and so simply!  So, maybe there was more to it than that but I really enjoy entertaining the thought that my whole life's purpose can be fulfilled just by doing good works...and yes, I'm sure those good works include spanking children occasionally and not just healing the sick.

I am blessed to call my own the most stubborn, strong willed little girl I have ever met! I tell her "Don't tell me no", and spank her. She looks at me and tells me "NO NO SPANKING!" For not even being two I must hand it to her that she is very brave. Now I know, I was just the sweetest little girl so I couldn't possibly be getting paid back for my childhood. It must be from my husbands side. ;) 

Even after all of that I look at her and feel completely blessed and grateful she is mine. I have to discipline her and train her in the way she should go but it is only done because I love her with all my heart. I am so happy that God is our Father. I love that no matter how spoiled rotten, back talking, fit throwing, & ungrateful we are He still looks at us with the same feeling any Father looks at his children with - I love you. I could have NEVER grasped that without having my own children. I'm sure many can, but to have a daily real life visualization of how much God loves us even when we are brats, it took kids for me. So that's it everyone start having babies so you can get a grip on how much God loves you!

 (I am completely joking about that last sentence so don't go suing me for child support for these kids I told you to have! lol)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

 My step son came back today and broke the news that he wants to move back in with his mom. Even with all the trials we faced with him moving here I am sad to hear the news. Who can blame him though. He comes home after a month and spends the entire first day back with not one but two fussy babies and a little boy that is not being his normal sweet self. It was a HUGE adjustment for him coming here with a bunch of little kids running around and almost no privacy from a home where he was usually home alone while his mom was working. His dad works a lot so there really is little time for them to be together. I'm hoping we can make the best of his last month here and he and his dad can get some good time in with each other. 

Everyone has a hard time with change. Sure some things may be better but usually along tags something at least as bad as what you are changing. I personally want to change back. I'd rather not try something new. I'd rather try something that works. It may be new to me, but I like to know that someone else has tried it and it works. I want to go all the way back to when things worked. Is there such a time or place? Before broken families and homeless children. Before women had to be men; because men were men. Before the constant distractions from tv, video games, and internet. Back where people actually knew people and not a profile. I want to be more than a profile. Maybe that's why I'm blogging.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Pedicures Anyone?

I guess it just hit me last night that my husband is going to a third world country for a week. While being very excited for him to get this opportunity I am a bit afraid at the same time. The Pastor he is working with there is very careful with guests and does his best to ensure their safety but I can't help but worry about his safety. My Mom has been to Africa a few times on missions. The last time she was there they were killing Christians in a town 30 miles north from where she was. Not many people heard about that though. There were new movies being released and hollywood scandals that were far more important. Everyone catch Jersey Shore?

Aside from worrying about my husband returning with an intact head, I'm also worried about me being without his help for a week. Some days I may only get a 20 minute break in the evening where I can disappear for some mommy time when he is here. I am wondering how my psyche is gonna hold up with even that little time gone! Don't get me wrong, I love my babies and am beyond grateful for every minute I get with them. But, there is definitely time needed to restore yourself. Time to simply change your attitude so you can continue being good to those around you. If you are never good to yourself you end up with little to give and what you do give you can end up resenting.

 What I realize is I don't have enough appreciation for those 20 minute breaks in the evening. I spend half of that time worrying about the time and worrying I don't have enough of it. I need to really relish those few moments so I have more to give to those I come into contact each day. You never know what you have until it's gone.  Pedicure anyone?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Head in the Game

So next week school starts. I am a bit uncertain about how this will all go down. My step-son returns two days before school starts and my husband leaves for Africa one day after. Not only that, there is a new baby in the house. Not only that but we, me and my 5 year old, are starting homeschooling 5 days a week, no exceptions. Not only that I'm potty training our almost 2 yr old little girl. And last but not least. Not only that but I've got my first jewelry show in a month & lots of product to create. I find it so hard to manage not only my time but my thoughts and ideas as well. So many good ones, so many not so good ones. Where to place the chaos? Right here! Thats right! It's not like I have anything else I could be doing anyway ;) Reader beware: There is no telling where we may end up, and honestly no telling how we're going to get there. I'm hoping by finally putting all my insanity in one place I might just be able to make some sense of things. So I welcome you to join me on my journey through the mundane & exciting alike.