10/25/2011

Orion started reading today! It was so exciting! He has definitely been bored with learning letters but you could see him light up once he figured out how to put some sounds together. He only read about 8 words but he did it with little prompting and lit up from ear to ear when he realized what he did! I got all teary eyed.  I am so so thankful to have this time with my children. Every day they amaze me. I am so thankful and blessed to get to experience so many firsts with them.

I can only imagine the things God has planned for these kids. Today Danica, the sweet yet strong willed and outspoken angel, was singing "God is so good"....in Nigerian. Now I would toot my own horn and say look what I taught her, but I didn't teach her this. Orion has sang it a couple times while learning to sing it for VBS months ago but we never attempted to get her to learn or even pay attention when he sang it. It's amazing the things they pick up on when you think they aren't paying any attention.

There is a song out by Casting Crowns called 'Slow Fade'. One of the verses in it says "Oh be careful little feet where you go. Cause it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow." What a task we parents have been assigned! What a privileged yet scary road to walk daily knowing that someone is there watching you all the time. Even when you think they are paying no attention whatsoever, they are watching and learning. They are figuring out how to make decisions and behave and they are learning from how we act and not how we say to act. The poor babies wouldn't have a chance in the world if it were up to me to get us all through. I'm so glad I have Someone guiding me. I only hope I pay attention enough. Father God please make my paths straight!

I just finished crying my eyes out and thanking God for these children. I don't deserve them. I can't believe He trusts me to raise them. They are so precious. It has been such an amazing journey watching them grow. There is still so much left to see. They change and learn daily. I am so excited to see what God has in store for their lives.

I was talking with my Mom about the Purpose Driven Life (by the way still on day 5). It speaks of taking your talents and all the things you are good at and like to do and using them to find your purpose. Well, I like to create things, organize, sing, write, teach, garden, clean, etc etc. I asked "How in the world am I supposed to take all those things and direct them at something?" She replied, "Sounds like all the things that you need to run a household."

So I guess I'm going to take this at face value for the moment and try to focus more on just that one thing running a household. I am constantly trying to go beyond this. Always trying to learn new things and try some new way to make money or do something to make a difference and so forth. Maybe for now I will just try to do well the tasks I've been assigned, work with what you've got kind of thing.

So many of us never see the fruits of our labor in the big picture. I may not see them either. But how many generations was there between Moses and Abraham? How many Mothers raised children only to raise their own children before the training was fulfilled in one person for God to use in the "big picture". Only time will tell.

You Might Be an Artist If...

I battle often with my desire to learn new arts. I got down the braiding as a teen, then basic sewing, some woodworking, scrap booking, jewelry, bow making, laying tile, then off to more complex pattern-less sewing. Now I want to paint. I also have always wanted to do pottery, metal work, major carpentry, basket weaving, masonry & clay. That is just the art part; it doesn't even tap the surface of all the things I would like to learn. What is a girl to do?! I don't just want to DO these things, I want to PERFECT them. I guess I could become a professional student. You know, just go to school on student loans for the rest of my life. I have my retirement already planned out it seems.

Creation is beautiful in almost every form. Taking an empty soup can, wrapping it in pretty paper with pretty cut out shapes & stuffing it full of colored markers and decorative scissors! - WHAT ISN'T AWESOME ABOUT THAT! :)

I was just telling my Mother today that I should probably stop trying to learn to make or craft something new all the time. But now I know for sure I am crazy. I am crazy because I'm an artist! I fit a good number of the descriptions here ---->You Might Be an Artist If...<--- that I believe were just meant to be humorous. Well for me they were reality! I spray painted the cat. Gave the dog a mohawk. Built Barbie's house out of VHS tapes and I have always wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn't pick a favorite color! Give me another 20 years and I'll have 8 tie dyed cats, a schnauzer named Mr. Mo, and a mansion built out of tole painted VHS tapes!

My Father-in-law just got into town for a while & my house is a wreck!!! I don't see how anyone with more than two kids EVER keeps a house clean. I take that back..If I rarely or never did anything I wanted to do for just me then maybe I could keep it half way straight. Does it really matter if its clean?

In my journey on this purpose driven life (I'm only on day 4 a month later) I have to now find purpose to continue doing, without conviction, all the things that I'm "supposed to do". Pick up toys, wash cloths, cook dinner...take a shower; it all seems rather pointless. 

I know this may sound crazy but, this creates a whole new problem for me. Now I feel like I must know WHY we mop. I know, to clean the floors, but WHY must the floors be clean? Why do I wash clothes? You only wore it once. Is it really dirty? And shower? WHY? If we don't stink WHY must it be done often. Its not that I enjoy dirty clothes, floors or people, but I now need to know what eternal purpose this holds. SO OF COURSE.....it must be googled! Just one more thing to do until I can find a reason to not mop! 

September 23, 2011

 

     Why does everyone have to learn for themselves? It would be so nice if lessons were handed down in our genetic makeup like hair color & skin tone. I'm sure each of us would have plenty yet to learn even if that were the case. So often I think, "Mom was so right! Why didn't I listen to her?" I also find myself giving others the same advice she gave me (which of course I had to make sure was right all by myself) and wishing they would just listen! What is this pride we have that we tell ourselves we can find a better way on our own.
   
 

I really dislike the "whatever" feeling that has taken me over the past two days. I'm not a whatever kind of person. I'm generally the happy go lucky type. Tomorrow is a new day and I am definitely looking forward to that!

Even in this mood the kids still crack me up. Orion said to me, "Hey mom, can I please have a drum set and three back up dancers so we can make some money to go on a cruise? Please?" That boy is going to be a business man when he grows up. Every few days he has a new idea of a business he wants to start. "Happy Burgers" "Lemonade Stand" "Make bullets and sell them at a garage sale" (I have no idea where that one came from!) "Learn a talent and go to America's got talent" "Make a stand and collect $1 from everyone who comes to Danica's birthday party" Where does this boy come up with these things? 

I'm so glad that is how he thinks though. Rarely do I hear "Hey mom will you buy me this". We get the request for such and such for his birthday or Christmas but aside from that he seems to realize you have to work to get what you want. That makes me so proud and at the same time sad. I know it shouldn't be sad but I have a desire in me to spoil my children and it sucks that I can't stretch the mighty dollar further sometimes and buy them everything their little heads dream up.

I'm beginning to read the Purpose Driven Life again. I read it years ago all in one sitting and it's really more of a book to sit and ponder than rush through. I'm going to enjoy it this time and really contemplate it...really! Of course, I don't think this is the book with all the answers (I have three of those Books next to me) but I really enjoy another's Biblical perspective on how to live life well and to the fullest. That's what it's all about right? You only get one of these go rounds down here on earth, might as well make it absolutely grand, eh?

I can't remember anything these days! It's pretty bad when you need to set an alarm in your phone to remind you to call a friend. What's wrong with me? Now I know good and well back in the old days before computers and all the fancy smancy gadgets that women had friends and families that they remembered to keep up with from time to time.  Not me. I could talk to someone everyday then all the sudden two...or six months has passed and we haven't spoken a word. It's not that I don't think about people. I think about friends and family A LOT. And it's not that time just fly's by because time has a pretty, steady, slow pace with me. (And I like that, thank You God and you can keep that up as long as You would like.) So in other words I have no excuse for my actions....DANG! Well, I do stay pretty busy so I guess that's an excuse. Four kids, a husband, house, chickens, pigs and various other creatures do take some time I suppose....and all of that me time in between. (accompanied by a roll of the eyes and a sarcastic tone, lol)

Well, I've been blessed with some energy and determination as of late. I've got a couple meals cooked up and frozen and started, oh I don't know, 3 other businesses. Well, not really paying businesses at this point but some great ideas that are taking up way to much of my time! That's always nice!

Off to bed, gonna try this whole day thing again tomorrow....and hopefully end it before 1am.

The sounds seem to never end...crash, clank clank, swish, waaaaah, ahhhh, stop it! Oh My! Where in the world do you find peace among such confusion. Between the toddler making peanut butter and "hot pickle" (jalapeno) sandwiches, sneaking lollipops, and doing all she can to irritate big brother there is little peace to be found.

To be honest, I rather enjoy the chaos most days. But, I definitely have those times I long for a moment silence; just a moment to refocus myself and put my happy face back on.  My Mom always says go to bed early and get some rest, but I think my rest comes more from my moments. I'm gonna try to start doing some devotional time. That's where real rest comes from He says.

One of THOSE Days

My day started with children crying & gold fish crackers all over the place on top of the numerous messes. By 10 I had already had to holler numerous times & spankings would have been soon following had I not been so upset. The middle baby cried until we left @ 1. By noon I had decided I wasn't gonna make it through the day &  I would likely have an aneurysm soon. (This was shortly after I flooded my kitchen while filling up a pail & tending to kids in another room. Not just a little flood - entire counter top, in the drawers, cabinets & floor, all the way into the dining room). I don't remember a morning quite so miserable in recent history.  Then the day got worse....

Gathered up clothes for a friend that lost her home to a fire. Dropped Orion of with his grandma and headed to a house warming party with the two little girls. After I got the baby down for a nap Danica had a hay day..with chips throwing them every where, then her juice throwing it everywhere. Stepping on Faith, throwing things, all while laughing at this new game she had come up with that she thought was so cute. Cut my finger while slicing a lime then gave up and decided I had a better chance of sanity at home. Loaded up girls, picked up Orion & Faith cried the entire way to drop clothes & half the way home. Got home put everyone down for a nap. Decided I needed a break so I went to vacuum the pool and got stung by a wasp.

Why did today seem like the end of the world? I know I've had worse days than this....maybe. 

Right about now my husband is somewhere in the air around 2 hours from France. He only left this morning and I already miss him. Orion was just sobbing last night when he realized his Dad was gonna be gone for a while. He's already painted him a picture & wondered if he's been eaten by lions (I guess the word Africa brings dangerous animals to mind for even a 5 yr old). My poor little man.

Well, while hubby is enjoying the sights, sound and smells of an extremely overpopulated city with the lowest unemployment rate in the world I will be here enjoying my little ones and trying my best to keep busy and forget    he is gone. I don't say this often, but I hope this week goes fairly quickly. I hear Africa changes people and I really can't wait to see him and make sure he's still normal :)

There is something about spending some time on the river that soothes the soul, even with the kids humming Mario Brothers tunes & racing back and forth for who is in first place. Something about it has always calmed me. I know a lot of people think "yuck, the Colorado" but when I am in it or on it I see beauty all around me.It's a fluid environment, literally and figuratively speaking. It is constantly changing, banks being edged out into rock, roots being washed away, sand and rock trading places below.

Why would change be so comforting? I can only guess, because it is natural in this form. Nothing is pressed or forced, it is just a gradual change. Is that why we stay so distressed? Are we trying to force ourselves to quickly to take on new things or rid ourselves of old ones? Most say life is short, maybe that is why we feel we are in such a rush to accomplish so much. Well, bad news, the more you rush the shorter your life is. Rushing things makes time FLY by. Just try it. Rush yourself for a day and see how the time passes as opposed to just being active & not rushing.

When rivers RUSH, things change quickly - trees fall down, structures are removed & things are destroyed. But floods are a natural process as well. Maybe we need those quick bursts of destruction. Who knows, just my thoughts for the moment...

NO NO Spanking

Church was wonderful today. It was on the scripture saying we were created in Christ Jesus for good works. So my Pastor broke it down to we were created for work (he wasn't speaking of salvation through works, just that we find our fulfillment in working). The meaning of life all wrapped up in one little phrase from one little book; and so simply!  So, maybe there was more to it than that but I really enjoy entertaining the thought that my whole life's purpose can be fulfilled just by doing good works...and yes, I'm sure those good works include spanking children occasionally and not just healing the sick.

I am blessed to call my own the most stubborn, strong willed little girl I have ever met! I tell her "Don't tell me no", and spank her. She looks at me and tells me "NO NO SPANKING!" For not even being two I must hand it to her that she is very brave. Now I know, I was just the sweetest little girl so I couldn't possibly be getting paid back for my childhood. It must be from my husbands side. ;) 

Even after all of that I look at her and feel completely blessed and grateful she is mine. I have to discipline her and train her in the way she should go but it is only done because I love her with all my heart. I am so happy that God is our Father. I love that no matter how spoiled rotten, back talking, fit throwing, & ungrateful we are He still looks at us with the same feeling any Father looks at his children with - I love you. I could have NEVER grasped that without having my own children. I'm sure many can, but to have a daily real life visualization of how much God loves us even when we are brats, it took kids for me. So that's it everyone start having babies so you can get a grip on how much God loves you!

 (I am completely joking about that last sentence so don't go suing me for child support for these kids I told you to have! lol)

 My step son came back today and broke the news that he wants to move back in with his mom. Even with all the trials we faced with him moving here I am sad to hear the news. Who can blame him though. He comes home after a month and spends the entire first day back with not one but two fussy babies and a little boy that is not being his normal sweet self. It was a HUGE adjustment for him coming here with a bunch of little kids running around and almost no privacy from a home where he was usually home alone while his mom was working. His dad works a lot so there really is little time for them to be together. I'm hoping we can make the best of his last month here and he and his dad can get some good time in with each other. 

Everyone has a hard time with change. Sure some things may be better but usually along tags something at least as bad as what you are changing. I personally want to change back. I'd rather not try something new. I'd rather try something that works. It may be new to me, but I like to know that someone else has tried it and it works. I want to go all the way back to when things worked. Is there such a time or place? Before broken families and homeless children. Before women had to be men; because men were men. Before the constant distractions from tv, video games, and internet. Back where people actually knew people and not a profile. I want to be more than a profile. Maybe that's why I'm blogging.

Pedicures Anyone?

I guess it just hit me last night that my husband is going to a third world country for a week. While being very excited for him to get this opportunity I am a bit afraid at the same time. The Pastor he is working with there is very careful with guests and does his best to ensure their safety but I can't help but worry about his safety. My Mom has been to Africa a few times on missions. The last time she was there they were killing Christians in a town 30 miles north from where she was. Not many people heard about that though. There were new movies being released and hollywood scandals that were far more important. Everyone catch Jersey Shore?

Aside from worrying about my husband returning with an intact head, I'm also worried about me being without his help for a week. Some days I may only get a 20 minute break in the evening where I can disappear for some mommy time when he is here. I am wondering how my psyche is gonna hold up with even that little time gone! Don't get me wrong, I love my babies and am beyond grateful for every minute I get with them. But, there is definitely time needed to restore yourself. Time to simply change your attitude so you can continue being good to those around you. If you are never good to yourself you end up with little to give and what you do give you can end up resenting.

 What I realize is I don't have enough appreciation for those 20 minute breaks in the evening. I spend half of that time worrying about the time and worrying I don't have enough of it. I need to really relish those few moments so I have more to give to those I come into contact each day. You never know what you have until it's gone.  Pedicure anyone?

Head in the Game

So next week school starts. I am a bit uncertain about how this will all go down. My step-son returns two days before school starts and my husband leaves for Africa one day after. Not only that, there is a new baby in the house. Not only that but we, me and my 5 year old, are starting homeschooling 5 days a week, no exceptions. Not only that I'm potty training our almost 2 yr old little girl. And last but not least. Not only that but I've got my first jewelry show in a month & lots of product to create. I find it so hard to manage not only my time but my thoughts and ideas as well. So many good ones, so many not so good ones. Where to place the chaos? Right here! Thats right! It's not like I have anything else I could be doing anyway ;) Reader beware: There is no telling where we may end up, and honestly no telling how we're going to get there. I'm hoping by finally putting all my insanity in one place I might just be able to make some sense of things. So I welcome you to join me on my journey through the mundane & exciting alike.